I don't know what to really say in response to a Mary. They're everywhere and they only want one thing and its disgusting. Social interaction with minorities to make it seem as though they're making a difference. Now, some of you that even read the book may not know what a Mary exactly is and I'm here to help you.
Here are some tips and tricks on spotting a Mary:
Here are some tips and tricks on spotting a Mary:
- Are they a liberal?
- Do they smile too easily?
- Are they approachable, but you'd rather not?
- Like in the way that a friend's parents or a teacher is approachable, but you'd rather not.
- Do they talk too much?
- Do they talk to YOU too much?
- Do they invite you out to things you would just rather NOT go to?
- Does their presence occasionally make you uncomfortable?
- Are they a bit too happy for a Monday?
- Do they laugh at jokes, that just aren't THAT funny?
- Everyone has their own sense of humor, but I'm talking like laughing so hard you walk around and it was only a knock knock joke.
- Do they force their opinions down your throat/talk about what they believe in too often?
- Do they ask you how you feel, but you don't think they really care and you couldn't even get into it because they wouldn't understand?
- Do they not not tell you when they don't like something/are passive aggressive about the things they don't like?
- Are they a millennial?
- Are they white?
- They could be female as well, but I've seen my fair share of male Mary's. Apparently the male version (according to google), are called Marios.
This has been a PSA to all the Marys/Marios, be proud of who you are, but know I can only take so much..
Wow. I didn't think you could make a list of what a Mary would be like, but I think this is pretty much on the target. I find it interesting how this is a very general list of qualities that don't automatically make you a Mary-like figure, but they imply that there is potential for someone with these characteristics to become a Mary, whether they know about it or not. And then if you are a Mary, there isn't really an easy way to change that without changing some fundamental idea that you live by. I think this list provides a good basis to start from in evaluating what makes a Mary, and how that could be changed. I like this post.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I really like this post! I was laughing a little because my mom and I are always discussing extroverts and introverts. I think you hit it spot on in that Mary is what we like to call an extreme extrovert. I also really liked how when reading the questions, I felt like a "Mary" was asking me them. I guess it was the straight forward nature of them that I felt Mary would/could ask Bigger. Again, great job!
ReplyDeleteThis post is a catch-22. I do nearly all of these things, and I can't even offer explanations for it or else I embody the worst and most aggravating part about Marys-- their patronizing explanations of black issues to black people. There's something to be said about intent (Marys are just trying to be friendly, if overly much), but overall it's healthy advice to just chill out. The diagnostic list is a funny way of explanation that Bigger might not have been able to put into words but certainly saw and felt. Love it. For the record, I will continue to invite you to things no matter how much of a Mary it makes me.
ReplyDeleteAhaha this is really funny Leslie, but I think you're 100% right and you put your finger on a lot of things that are hard to describe. I think some of the points you described that touched on opinions and liberalism could also be describing something along the lines of a "white feminist" - someone who is "woke" just because it's cool to be woke now. Someone who, on the surface, believes all good things but at the same time makes all their POC friends uncomfortable - you get the feeling that somehow they just don't totally get it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a hilarious post, you really hit the character spot on. But also what Lili mentioned is like "fake woke" people, which you don't really even to be that extroverted to be. Like you can put "Black Lives Matter" in your Twitter bio and never participate in any movements or continue acting the same way. Or put one of the "Hate has to home here" signs up and then ignore your immigrant neighbors or make xenophobic comments when you manage to interact with them. They're also Marys, maybe not in the same way.
DeleteI like how you organized everything into an easy to read list, but outside of that I don't have much to say that another person already hasn't. Your post is straightforward and the point is clear. Don't try and overwhelm people who don't want to interact. If you're so concerned with having to interact with minorities and make them feel more like majorities (whites), just remember that every person has their own personal feelings, regardless of who they are, and that you should respect that.
ReplyDeleteI think this list perfectly illustrates people who are generous for selfish reasons, whether they're self-aware or not. They "ally" themselves with minorities to make themselves look good, but often don't make an impact at all, or do the opposite.
ReplyDeleteAlthough being a list this actually flowed really well. Not to mention it being funny, it's a breath of fresh air when it comes to these blog posts. I think a Mary can be someone who doesn't know they're being a Mary, and I think it's their friends job to help then understand when they're being too much of Mary. I think that the main problem with being a Mary is that they're insensitive, and therefore a little socially awkward. So are Mary's socially awkward extroverts? Who knows. Great post.
ReplyDeleteImpressive, Leslie. I think its important to keep in mind that Marys have good intentions, but they just put out their opinions and think they know your circumstances and feelings so much that they tend to make you uncomfortable instead of trying to make you feel comfortable. Sometimes we just have to admit that we don't know how a person really feels or what they are really thinking. The way we can help them isn't through bombarding them with your beliefs and questions, but rather trying to understand them like a normal human to human relationship.
ReplyDeleteIs it wrong that I really enjoyed this post? I feel like it was a very spot on description of fake woke and selfishly generous people. I feel like one of the more unique qualities of Marys is that they interact with minorities so that it seems like they're making a difference. For whatever reason when I read this, I immediately thought about colleges who, at least from my perspective, seem to just fill quotas of minority people and, after those are full, just ignore people from minorities who are genuinely struggling, worrying more about how much money they can make while appearing to be helping rather than actually doing something that would make a difference. Maybe I'm wrong though that's just what your description of Mary's reminded me of.
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